She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
