walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
