ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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