hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
