i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
