Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
