Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
