i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
