She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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