I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
