I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
