WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
