i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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