Is it because I queefed?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
