dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
