I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
