hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
