Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
