Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
