my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
