i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize