I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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