Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
