apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
