if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
