The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
