i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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