Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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