Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
