Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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