Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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