Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
