So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You are the jesus of drinking
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
