I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
