i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
