You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize