apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
