Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sobbing to NWA
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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