Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
