Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
