I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
