Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
