i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
