She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
