sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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