My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she peed on how many people?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
