My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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