No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
