My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize