I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
