Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
