Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I believe in your delicious
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
