the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize