remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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