have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
organizing the empties. That sober.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
