Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
