shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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