I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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