you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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