He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
