Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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