people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
