Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
