How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
