Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
