I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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