so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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