Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
