You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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