There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
