My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
