Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
