My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
