How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize