She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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