pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
