The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
