I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
