Already got asked if we're dating
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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