i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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