ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
