im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
