Moan for me like Helen Keller
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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