I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
