she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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