I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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