I think my fart just growled at me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
