i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
