If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
