last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
