I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
