I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
