He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
