just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
