No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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