i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
