Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
