You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
