Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
