Pregnant stripper...not hot.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
