i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize