i wish my penis had a tongue
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
