Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
