Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
