just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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