we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
