at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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