What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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