this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
