i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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