I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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