Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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