Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize