i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
