sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
