We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I understand Curling. That high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
