No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
