just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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