Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
